I slept well last night. I had a feeling I needed to get some quiet moments this morning to pray and read - and it's a good thing I did. When I got to the hospital, Trent was looking pretty ragged. The neurosurgeon had just been in and indicated it would be six to eight weeks before Angelee's bone flap is put back in. This trauma is getting longer. Smiling is difficult. Possible, yes, but often the smiles are forced through tears.
I had a monster under my bed last night. He always lives there, but doesn't come out very often. His name is "What If." What if I had... What if Trent had... What if she didn't... And then I can either fall apart or beat him back under the bed. He always lives there, though, and he's bigger than he used to be. I can't write any more because it's too painful.
That mean monster visits my room too. Send him my way when you need a break. Recognizing that I am powerless in the face of all the world can throw at me is daunting. He who has all power will strengthen you. Don't forget the angel on the other side who is helping.
ReplyDeleteOh, Janette. I am so sorry. There is nothing that I can say that will make that monster go away. But I know that our Heavenly Father will sustain us. Mostly when we KNOW we can't do it anymore.
ReplyDeleteHuge huge hugs. I'm so sorry. We love you.
I hate that what if monster! I wish I could be there and give you a big hug and tell you that it is going to be OK. Since I can not know that I love you and you are in our prayers.
ReplyDeleteHindsight is 20/20--I've been through all of the "If only I'd done this or that"--it wears you out. Does this mean that Angelee will have to be in the hospital until the bone flap is put back in or can she be home sooner than that? Sorry, I just have no clue about this type of thing. I remember doing the NICU for so long--and being exhausted-- I only had 3 other kids to shuffle around. You must be exhausted with 7 others, let alone nursing 4 month old twins. You are amazing! You are in my prayers.
ReplyDelete